Palimpsest Tales

Happy Thankgiving Everyone!




Anyone for stuffing?

With the weather being so nice, we decided to take Bella on her first hike. We headed up to Hawk Mountain, and had a really nice walk in the woods. We did the north overlook trail and did about two miles. Not a huge hike, but with the baby girl hanging out on our backs, we didn't want to push it.

She did awesome, only cried for the last five minutes on the way back to the car. Of course, it was right in front of a prime bird watching overlook and about 554645 avid birdwatchers, who were previously sitting in an awed silence, wanted to kill us. Hehe - Go Izzy, fight the power!




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On a very sad note....most of you have meet and hung out with Sean's friend Pooh. His father passed away on Sunday morning after a fight with cancer. Please keep him in your thoughts :(

She has to get this from her father. I am never this cute.




Emo moment during peach time.

I love fall, I really do. The colors, the smells, the textures, the crisp air. I do not,however, love being cold in the mornings. Getting out of the warm nest of pillows and blankets to face the bracing moment of "Dear god, why did I turn the shower off". :)

Bella is playing in her crib, and talking to her teddy bear mobile. Due to the escalating volume levels, I think she is telling them off. Sometimes, when she is playing in there, she will put both feet and hands through the rails and will look at me with this look on her face like "yeah, I seen some shit and now I am doing hard time..."

Not last night though, last night was...."Don't look at me if you don't want to turn into a quivering pile of squee."

Too late....

Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Caldwell triple play.

First up....Izzy vs Daddy




Second Round....Izzy vs Pooh



Triple threat round - Izzy vs Mommy



Winner and Queen of the World....IZZY!!!!!!




BTW - SHE STOOD UP BY HERSELF!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean, we put her there, but she stayed up!!!!!

I am so tired. Let's just get that out of the way right away, in case this post makes zero sense. Bella has decided to be a night owl lately and I just can't hang like I used to. The owl is downstairs watching The Backyardigans for the 100th time. "Racing day, it's racing day...." I used to be cool.

Things are going really great here though. Took Bella to the doctor this morning since she has been eating so much less these days, only to have him pretty much laugh at me, pat my head and send me on my way assuring me she is eating fine and looking happy and healthy. I love feeling stupid, don't you? Happy to hear that I was over reacting though. It is so hard to feed her anymore. She hates sitting still so she twists and turns and rolls over - not conducive to long feedings.

Had another nice lunch with Millie and her brother. I really do adore our Friday afternoon meetings, it gets me out of the house and I love seeing Millie with the baby. I have known that girl since we were three and to see her hold the baby and watch Bella smile up at her as another generation of my family realizes how cool of a person Millie is - it just rocks!

Millie took some baptism shots. Speaking of the Baptism, thank you to everyone who took the time to come and celebrate with us. Isabella is very lucky to have you all in her life and I think part of the reason she is such a happy baby is because she knows she is loved by such amazing and wonderful people! I know you all make me happy too! I know we had a ton of people in the house, but I think it went off pretty well. I hope you all had fun too.

Also - Jim and Jeannine, I had a dream that your new place was really a meeting place for the new ghostbusters - lead by the Jonas brothers. I need sleep.

Also, also - -my husband is amazing.

Also, also, also....did I mention sleep?

on to pictures....






I love this - Sean is SO excited our child is catholic.

Tonight is the third night Bella has slept in her own crib in her nursery instead of in her bassinet next to the bed. Friday and Saturday night, Sean got up to check on her, so this is my first night to do it. I am a bundle of nerves and can't sleep. Sean is currently curled up in bed and Bella is sleeping away, and I just can't settle my brain. It is a big adjustment, not being able to see her from our bed. I know she is over the "Not breathing and turning blue" part of her life, but I am still scared to death I am going to take my eyes off her and she will just slip away. Logically, I know that is not going to happen, but, I don't know...anal mom fear I guess. I have her baby monitor right next to me and I can see her in her crib. She is all curled up and sleeping well - not at all aware of the fact I tiptoe in every three minutes to look at her.


Today was such a fun day. We took bella to Spring Lake and she had her first taste of being a beach girl. She had a good time, we think. We had her in the ocean a bit and she didn't really cry or freak out. She did cry one time when the water came up to her chest, but it was more "Cold Cold" then scared.

This is crazy, I know she will be up at like 6 am - I should go to bed.

I can't believe she is six months already!

Monday Morning and this is the face I wake up to....



How can my week be bad?

The house is quiet. Sean is curled up in bed in the other room, sleepy the exhausted sleep of "I did the 3:30 am and 7:00 am feedings". He takes her on the weekend nights, so I can get some sleep and ramp up for the weeknights of "Daddy has to work, so Mommy is your nighttime diner". It is very sweet and just one of the things he does that makes me realize that I have a wonderful man in my life.

Little Belly is currently strapped to my chest in the babyhawk, using my boobies for pillows. She ocassionally lifts her head, and slams it down - trying to fluff up my tits, I guess.

I love mornings like this, when the two things that make my life whole are sleeping and I can just watch them and marvel at my life.

Things at the Stay-at-home mom front are going well. Belly and I are falling into routine and that is always good. I got over my initial nervousness about driving alone with her the car for more then 10 minutes, so now we run errands together, go to the library, visit friends for lunch. Friday, I took her to KOP to have lunch with Daddy and his work friends. She was the hit of his office, people oooohing and aaaaahing over her, taking pictures, until she started fussing just a bit and they all scattered to the four winds, talking about urgent paperwork. There really is something about a baby crying that is like nails being driven into your forehead. Unless it is your kid, then after about 3 months, you don't hesitate to strap a screaming kid to you and go for a walk. It is still annoying, but more like elevator muzak annoying then David Hasselhoff singing in German annoying.

I will honest though, I do wish I had some other moms around to hang with. There are two nice ladies on the block, but their kids are much older (18 months and 4 years), so while we chat on our porches, it is a bit different. I see moms with little babies walking around town or the mall, and I swear I become a mommy stalker. I smile, flirt, toss my hair in a come hither manner,stare at them unblinkly just hoping they go - "Hey, look at that got it all together mom over here, she looks like she is a fun, funky mom, who listens to good music and watches interesting movies and would love to talk about books,travel and politics while our kids lay on the floor and look at each other, forging deep friendships that will last for years". They mainly just walk away from me really fast though. I wonder if this will damage Bella at all - having just me and her father as primary playmates right now? We will do anything to make her smile right now, we have no shame. We sing, we dance, we make funny faces all the time, we are basically low rent versions of BOBO the clown, without the scary red nose and predilection for child fondling.

I think she will be okay though. We love her to bits and she does get visits from our awesome friends. Vik and Jess stopped by last weekend and introduced her to their puppy, which she just adored. He licked her hands and she was in awe. She camped out on Jess's chest for a while with a huge smile - so adorable. Jeannine and Jim came over on Friday night for a bit and she was fascinated by Neener's facial piercings. She is going to be hanging out with my gang on Monday at a BBQ - and I am sure with be getting lots of love.

But, if you are one of those mommies from the mall and you happened to read this - HI! Come meet me, I am fun, have a pretty garden we can sit in and watch our kids, well - they are babies still, so we will be watching them lay - but we could do it while drinking punch and trading funny stories. I have friend references.....really.....

Yeah well, my kid is cuter then yours anyway.

We took Bella for a walk the other night, a soft spring twilight, and introduced her the the local flora. She then introduced us to her lung power. She wins.




Things are good right now, strange and new, but good. This stay at home mom thing is a lot to get used to, but I adore taking care of Belly and she makes everyday cool. She is cooing and smiling a bit more now, and is starting to get a bit of a personality. She is sleeping a bit better at night this week, but last weekend was horrible - colicky and screaming for hours. We tried some Gripe water and it seems to help a bit, but we think she just had a bad weekend. She is better this week, grumpy from about 7-9 and a little bit during the day, but smiling and playing or sleeping most of the time.

Tired of baby talk yet?

Looking forward to this weekend, dancing tonight with the girls and Jason (Sean is taking the baby so I can get out of the house), and Vik and Jess's open house tomorrow. Can't wait to see everyone.

Yippie doo! I got my baby hawk (babyhawk.com) today! Already, I Love it! We did black straps and the Dia De Los Muertos fabric. Isabella loves it and I just took a long walk around the neighborhood - just me and the baby, no car seat or stroller. I am typing this with her strapped to my chest, sleeping away.

Love, Love, Love...... I have my hands back!

Dear mommy,

I know you are all "books make the world go 'round" ---- but I am only 7 weeks old. Cut me a break already.

Bella

She is home! She is home! She is home and wonderful and holy crap they actually let us leave the hospital with a baby to raise!!!!!

I am at the hospital from 9:00 AM until around 10 every night. We have to keep our cells off, so if you have been calling, I am sorry I missed your call. Just leave me a message and I uber promise to get back to you.

Bella is going so great - they have her dressed and swaddled now, since she is maintaining a good body temp. Sean got to do skin on skin holding, and I have nuzzled her on the breast twice now. She has no idea what to do with it, she is being feed through the tube still, but it is good practice.

She loves you all - we talk about you guys to her all the time. She is the most amazing thing and I can't wait until you all see her.

Cutting into my 20 minute shower time today to write a little entry - mainly because I am going stir crazy and need to something other then read and watch tv.

It is a sad thing when getting out of bed for a shower is the high point of your day.

First off - thank you to everyone who has stopped by, brought food,presents, books and much needed conversation and didn't comment at all on either my ever present bedhead or my new uniform of yoga pants and tee shirts. You guys make this so much easier, and it means so much to us - you will never ever know.

That being said - dude, bedrest sucks ass. I know that I am doing this for Isabella, and that in the end it is all worth it. I really do know that and that is what really keeps me sane, but dude. As of Tuesday, I will have laid on my left side for 3 weeks straight, with at least 5 weeks - hopefully more (we want her to get done baking past 35 weeks), to come.

I "lost" my job due to this. I have no money coming in for at least 6 weeks until disability kicks in, I have to depend on Sean and my family for everything - including carrying my pee upstairs from the brand new hospital toilet in the kitchen - and I feel so cut off from everything. I am putting so much strain on my husband, he looks like he is on the edge of exhustation every second and I can't do anything about it. Oh - did I mention no sex? For the rest of her time and 6 weeks after? My mom pretty much lives with me during the day, and I feel like I am 8 again. She cuts the crusts off my sandwiches. I love her and she has been like a new person, but I miss being a 32 year old. I slept until 11:30 the other morning and woke up in a panic. Then I realized - "who the fuck cares"? It was just another way to kill the hours that make up my endless day.

I know I am whining and normally, I try so hard not too. Of everyone dealing with this, I have the easiest job. Lay on my side. Try not to kill our daughter. Simple right?

Wow - self pity is not pretty. Ignore all of this - except for the gratitude - because that is heartfelt and true. The rest - petty shit.

Heading back to bed. Love to you all.

So another Christmas is come and gone – leaving a trail of crumpled wrapping paper and discarded tinsel.

Working at a magazine puts a new spin on the holidays for me. We shoot all of the Christmas stories in late summer, early fall. By late September, I have read the holiday gift guides and Christmas dinner stories about 5 times already. I have looked for stock photography of smiling children on Santa’s lap and of happy red cheeked couples looking lovingly at each other while ice skating, while wearing a summer dress and sandals. The holiday issue – being a double issue – is out on newsstands by the end of October and we move on to the spring issues. For the past three weeks, I have up to my elbows in Garden Party entertaining stories and Spring fashion trends. Which is great, because I am all about a good Garden Party – but it doesn’t really put you in a holiday mood. And in a dash of family crazy and fighting – brought this year by my family yet again – and Christmas leaves me feeling a little bit cold.

But – Christmas was nice. We had everyone over on Sunday for Sean’s birthday dinner, went to my Aunt Betty’s in East Falls for Christmas Eve Lunch and then to Sean’s mom’s later that night. Christmas day was spent at Sean’s dads with all three families hanging out – which was actually really nice. Christmas morning was spent with my husband, listening to the Vince Guaraldi Charlie Brown Christmas Album and opening presents. My husband made his famous scrambled eggs and they were SO good! Spending the morning just with my husband, being us, being together, was 10000% my favorite part of this whole shebang.

Everyone is talking about Christmas next year – the first with the baby. Maybe she will bring back the Norman Rockwell feeling that I want so badly. Isabella seems like she is going to be the panacea that fixes everyone’s Christmas blues – and this year, it did seem like almost everyone had them. It is a lot of pressure to put on a tiny little baby though. I don’t know.

We are hosting both holidays next year – Christmas Eve and Day. I am actually looking forward to it.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Love to you all,
Jenniah

Good Morning my lovely boy,

I am wishing you the very happiest of birthdays today. You are the most amazing man - managing to be a best friend and husband, a girl could ever want - effortlessly. You make me smile and laugh more then anyone else in the world. You keep me sane when I am freaking, you mellow me out when I am scared and you have given me the best 5 1/2 years of my life.

I love you so much!

Jenniah

PS -

Daddy - Happy Birthday, I can' wait to see you soon! Next year, I will be here for your birthday and get to hug you!

Love, your daughter Isabella.

Stuck in the computer - need to get printed.